Spring is practically here. How do I know? If you guessed
the calendar or the weather channel, you’re wrong. Facebook is just as much an
indicator that spring is quickly approaching as the calendar grid. You know
what I mean. You log on and are notified that three friends got engaged today.
That’s seven this week. Seven more peers have the all-too-coveted “ring by
spring.” In the days (or minutes) ahead there will be pictures of engagement
rings, pictures of cute couples that obviously adore each other, and a
multitude of statuses expressing love and the anticipation of a wedding in the
not-so-far future. This is a fun and exciting time of year! However, there
seems to be an equal proportion of statuses written by single friends expressing
discontent, sadness, frustration, loneliness, and sometimes even desperation
because of their current relationship status. This saddens me. I keep waiting for the “Trending”
list on the right side of my news feeds to say “Singles having pity parties”
but so far it hasn’t made an official appearance.
Single friends, I’m not coming to your pity party, but I
can empathize with you. That’s why I’m coming into where you’re sulking,
telling you the truth, and asking you to leave that party without looking back.
I, myself am single. I’d love to be able to tell you that
every moment of my single life I have been content, but that’s not the case. I
understand the discontent that can creep in, especially when you’ve expected
certain things out of life and the expectation of a boyfriend or girlfriend,
let alone a fiancé, hasn’t been met. It’s even easier to be unsatisfied with
your relationship status when you see that many of your other single friends
seem to be sulking. But I’ve realized something. All those feelings of discontentment,
sadness, frustration, and loneliness in a single person’s life have a couple
things in common: selfishness and covetousness.
When I realized this in my own life, it convicted me and
led to repentance. God has been teaching me how truly ridiculous this attitude
is that I and I know other Christians have been allowing themselves to adopt.
It’s a miserable attitude that fails to see all the God-given blessings today,
all the people God has placed in our lives to love today, and the opportunity
to develop our potential just because there’s no ring on our left hand. Selfishness
and covetousness have no place in the life of a Christian. We are not God’s to
live life for ourselves; single or not. He has not given us today so that we
can spend it daydreaming about a different tomorrow or wanting what someone
else has. Today is a gift.
I bring this to your attention because if we as single
adults allow ourselves to wallow in discontent, sadness, frustration, and
loneliness for days, weeks, months, or years on end, we will miss the blessing
of singleness. Singleness is a treasure. We can spend this time learning,
maturing, loving, helping, serving, volunteering, working, trying new things,
traveling, reading, and giving. Singleness is not merely survival. With God’s
help, we can thrive.
If you’re like me, and you realize that the sin of
selfishness is at the heart of your discontent, I encourage you to ask God to
forgive you and give you a heart set on Him rather than a heart set on a
relationship status that isn’t yours. A surrendered heart is a content heart.
I sat down a few days ago and made a list of things I
will put to practice as a single or married adult. I decided to share them with
you:
1. Seek God through His Word now and never stop. (Eph.
3:19, 5:2)
2. Pray that God would help you love well. (2 Thess. 3:5)
3. Love those God has placed in your life now –
relatives, friends, neighbors, coworkers, classmates etc. (1 John 4:7)
4. Cling to God’s promises and heed His warnings (Hebrews
2:1)
5. Protect your purity – use God’s Word as a filter for
what you listen to, watch, and think about (2 Tim. 2:22)
6. Learn to use your spiritual weapons well (Eph. 6).
7. Don’t spend too much time on Facebook/Twitter etc. (I
don’t think I have to specify. You’re smart and know when enough is enough.)
8. Fellowship with other believers on a regular basis.
(Hebrews 10:25)
9. Ask someone you respect, trust, and admire to be an
accountability partner. This should be someone who will tell you things you
need to hear even if it’s difficult for them to say. (Prov. 15:22, Psalm 141:5)
10. Support your friends who are getting married in the
near future. They need you, and this is a wonderful opportunity to show them
that you love them.
As Jim Elliot said, “Wherever you are, be all there! Live
to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
He also said to his then future wife, Elizabeth, “Let not
our longing slay the appetite of our living.”
I couldn’t have said it any better. Single friend; don’t
let your longing for something you don’t have keep you from living “to the hilt
every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
Spring is here. You are single, but you are cherished. Treasure
this singleness, today and always.
Your friend,
Stephanie
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